Exams – Advice for Parents

by Jenny Gould [jennygould@summertownclinic.co.uk]

Yes it’s exam time again – and parents everywhere are getting themselves into quite a state. What if Johnny fails? In this mad world where academic achievement has become the Holy Grail, we seem to have forgotten that this is not the only path to ‘success’ and certainly not the only path to happiness in life!

Yes of course we want to help our children to do their best, but getting stressed ourselves is not the answer. Far from it – it makes everything worse. Here are my tips for coming through the experience unscathed – and keeping it all in proportion!

• Watch for symptoms. Look for changes in behaviour, sleep problems, stomach, headaches, nightmares – eating, smoking, drugs.
• Take some pressure off . Cut them some slack when it comes to chores or other responsibilities …. try to ignore moodiness.
• Offer support,  talk gently. Say for example “I can see you’re upset/angry ” (DON’T say ‘snap out of it!’)  Maybe go for a walk and talk together – break down problems into bite sized pieces.
• Encourage them to seek help if you are concerned. Tell them it’s a strength not a weakness to recognise when they need help.
• Don’t project your own anxiety and frustrations about the outcome onto your child!   Take steps to manage your own anxiety.
• Be calm and reassuring. Keep everything in perspective – remember academic achievement  is not the only path to success!!!
• It’s your relationship that matters.  Reassure them you are there for them whatever happens.

As a parent it’s your job to help your children to develop emotional resilience.  If they don’t appear to be doing the revision and seem lacking in motivation then remind them – it’s only a short period of real effort.  And how are they going to feel after the exams if they don’t give themselves the best chance?

Life can be tough and will always present us with challenges. And doing things we don’t necessarily want to do is all part of it!

For an appointment with Jenny please ring the clinic on 01865 558561 or email her here